Just got to comment...

On chapter 7 in the book. I am still picking it up here and there and discussing it with my friends, Wendy and Carol.

Read what the Lord showed me this morning during my quiet time in the Valley of Vision:
"Be happy in Him, O my heart, and in nothing but God,
for whatever a man trusts in,
from that he expects happiness!"

That echos the words from the book, "we worship what we serve, speak about, sacrifice for, seek after, spend time and money on, and trust in." Since I am worshipping the wrong thing, I am finding myself struggling to be joyful!

"He who is the ground of thy faith
should be the substance of thy joy.
Whence then comes heaviness and dejection,
when joy is sown in thee...

Art thou seeking to rejoice in thyself from an evil motive of pride and self-reputation?
Thou hast nothing of thine own but sin,
nothing to move God to be gracious
or to continue his grace towards thee.
If thou forget this thou wilt lose thy joy.

Art thou grieving under a sense of indwelling sin?
Let godly sorrow work repentance,
as the true Spirit which the Lord blesses,
and which creates fullest joy...

Let God be all in all to thee,
and joy in the foundation that is always full."

Wow.
I have to admit to you that I am still hanging on to my resentfulness. I sometimes resent Anthony's long hours. I resent it because I'm alone a lot. I feel like maybe he doesn't care (of course, he does care). But I'm placing my love and trust in THAT to make me happy. I'm looking to something else but Christ for my fulfillment and satisfaction. I dwell on the behavior of my kids, or the quality of their education, or the 'spiritual' activities of my day to make me feel my worth, my contentment, my joy. I see that I am my own god. My selfishness and deep-seated belief that I should be pleased by others makes me miserable. How many evenings have I ruined for Anthony because of my nearsightedness? So often, I view MY needs as the only ones legitimate. It makes me mad, but I'm feeling sorrow that leads to repentance.

I study so much because I love to. But lately I have been feeling a lack of true spiritual hunger, of the Holy Spirit power working in me. But my heart is turning and yearning for Him, for a fresh reality of Him - not an academic understanding of Him.

I can't believe how well this book has pinpointed my heart:
"As long as things are going well in the areas you have your heart set on, you will feel all right. When they do not turn out as you may desire, frustration and perhaps anxiety begin to build even to the point of desperation... In addition to the frustration and possible anxiety, God also frustrates your idol worship because He wants your pure devotion to Him!!!!" p. 64

The list of wrong desires vs right desires is wow. I have to say, my desires are so wrongly placed. And we ask, "Well, what's wrong with wanting his affection? with wanting him to fulfill my needs? What's wrong with him making me feel special?" The enemy can be so subtle. My answer can be so cliche - "Christ can fulfill you. He can answer all your needs." But that's the truth! I have forgotten this - how do I keep this truth continually before me? I must learn to dwell on His Word all day long.

Thank you for letting me go on and on. I don't know who is checking the board but I wanted to put this out there somewhere so I don't forget! Praise the Lord that He doesn't leave me alone! He wants me to Himself and draws me to Him even when I am unfaithful to Him.

Love Jules

Study on hold...

Hello sisters!
Praying that you are all well and that you are encouraged of the Lord!

As I read the "Excellent Wife" I am both rebuked and guided in my role as a wife and mother. Martha Peace is stepping all over my toes in this book!!! I fall far short of God's perfect picture of the excellent wife, but with His help, this is what I want to become. Every page seems to have me nodding my head in agreement, assenting to it's timeless and true principles but oh, how HARD it is to implement!!! Without being on my spiritual knees, I know this is an impossibility as I am selfish, selfish, selfish and did I mention I'm selfish? My selfishness oozes out of my thoughts, attitudes, words and actions. Lord, help me! I want to bless my husband, I want to create a peaceful and loving atmosphere for my husband and children. I desire productivity, not busy-ness, I desire orderliness, not perfectionism, I desire true patience, not just anger-management. I want to love my husband with a godly, heavenly love not with an idolatrous spirit that seeks to serve me. I want the joy of the Lord to bubble over into the daily activities of our lives so that He is glorified in all I do and say. How far I am from seeing this! Yet, this book is showing me that as a child of God, led by the Holy Spirit, called with a holy calling - He will enable me as I seek to please Him and know His Word more.

Lately, I've been dealing with all the different areas I have messed up - yes, I have been going through a time of self-pity and condemnation. But I am seeing that the Lord is drawing me to Him, answering my prayers to be more excellent, calling me to repentance for my disobedience and dishonor. He's slowly helping me to actively replace the lies with truth and ugliness with godliness. I find this book unique because by following Him, I will not only become a better wife, but a better mother, friend, servant, person. The principles are truly life-changing.

I pray that you are also able to glean wisdom from this book. Forgive me for not being a more dynamic facilitator! However, Susan, Christina and I have decided that perhaps we should place this book study 'on hold'. Most of you are either moving, without a computer, on the road or back to work and you are finding it hard to keep up. I know that some are just a little behind (as I am) and will continue to read the book. Perhaps one day we'll be able to continue. For those of you who want to go on with me, just email me as I will continue to read it on my own. I would LOVE your company! :-) (ohh, Wendy~~~!!)

Thanks for starting out with me! God bless you!
Love
Jules

Chapters 7 & 8

I'm just plug plug pluggin' along~~~

I know we're all busy. I have to admit, I've been reading the book - a tad behind now - but just haven't put my thoughts together enough to post! Can you all just let me know if you are still reading this book or not? Or even checking the blog? Thanks!
Jules